Saturday, December 10, 2005

Walt Waters Awful Writing Competition Results

G'day, and its been a long hot night here at Walt Waters.

The Literary Club Competition Committee has been up late, judging all the entries in the Awful Writing Competition, and its been really tough coz there have been some ace entries. We've needed bulk amber fluid to keep us going, and I can hardly see straight to type. Its been bloody hard yakka, and Spud is completely stonkered! Reckon he'll have a liquid laugh before he's finished.

There was nearly a blue about whether the worst entry should be the winner, or the best entry, seeings how it is an awful writing competition. In the end, we reckoned that the best entry was the worst entry, but some of the Committee are still a bit confused.

Anyway, its been a ripper competition. And now is the time to announce the winner. Remember, the winner gets an expenses paid weekend at the Daly Waters Pub as a prize.

But before that, let us recap a minute.

Mingin's entry was entitled "Flick Winds".

Robbo's entry was written with a sharpened penguin beak, which is probably the only pens they have on the UnHeard of Islands.

Hotboy's first entry was about wind - not flatulence, mind - but wind that skips through the akuri bushes. Hotboy's second entry was about a lonely gull sticking out a finger.

Titcho's entry was about guns and gut banks.

Carsey's entry was a true story about an ex-dunny.

Then there was Eric who was included in the tag.

And also Lee Ann.

And finally Heather.

Seven people tagged, plus myself, Carsey, and only one can be the winner!

There was a lot of discussion about whether transferable voting should be allowed, but as no-one knew how that worked, we decided against it.

And now is the time to announce the winner. Well, not just yet - I need a tinny first.

Yup - that's better. Here are the results of the Walt Waters Literary Club Competition Committee votes. Underneath each name is the number of votes they got, who voted for them, and any comments received.

Mingin: Disqualified. (Not his own work - he got some professional journalist to write his entry)

Robbo: 1 vote
  • Carsey. (I voted for him because I reckoned no-one else would, making it more likely I would win myself).
Hotboy: Disqualified. (He entered twice, which is not allowed according to the small print in the rules which I forgot to post).

Titcho: 1 vote
  • Rick the Ringer. (Titcho has more brain cells than the rest of the others put together, and he can rhyme 'intent' with 'nonchalance')
Carslemane: 1 vote
  • Spud. (Carsey said he'd give me a bottle of bundy if I voted for him)
Eric: No votes

Lee Ann: 9 votes
  • Jimbo. (She's fair dinkum)
  • Bushie Brian. (No comment)
  • Thommo. (She's a beaut Sheila, and I'm waiting for the white pointer HNT)
  • Brissie Brian. (Beaut Sheila)
  • Dazza. (Fair dinkum Sheila)
  • Wally G. (No comment)
  • Mental Thompson. (She's fair dinkum)
  • Mad Dave. (No comment)
  • NHRN [Not His Real Name]. (She'll be right)
Heather: 9 votes
  • Cedric. (She'll be right)
  • Dingo Dave. (Good on 'er)
  • N.G. (She sounds fair dinkum)
  • Bruce B. (No comment)
  • Bruce G. (Fair dinkum Sheila)
  • Crazy John. (No comment)
  • Wally B. (Fair dinkum Sheila)
  • Papa Pete. (No comment)
  • Tukka Tim. (She looks like a real beaut)
And therefore, we at first thought that it was a tie for first place between Lee Ann and Heather, and we were all looking forwards to seeing them over at Daly Waters. However, Rick then pointed out that according to the rules, you have to enter in order to stand a chance of winning, and being a beaut Sheila was not sufficient criteria.

So, we then had to have a recount. Here are the resuls of the recount.

Mingin: Still Disqualified.

Robbo: 1 vote
  • Spud. (Carsey never gave me the bundy)
Hotboy: Still Disqualified.

Titcho: 2 votes
  • Rick the Ringer.
  • Carsey. (Switched vote for strategic reasons).
Carslemane: 18 votes
  • Jimbo. (If we can't get a Sheila here, Carsey might bring a slab back from the pub)
  • Bushie Brian. (Bring me back a XXXX)
  • Thommo. (Strewth!)
  • Brissie Brian. (No comment)
  • Dazza. (No comment)
  • Wally G. (Well, it was a realistic story)
  • Mental Thompson. (Lee Ann is still fair dinkum)
  • Mad Dave. (No comment)
  • NHRN [Not His Real Name]. (Is it Carsey's wally yet?)
  • Cedric. (I'm off to bed)
  • Dingo Dave. (The rules should be changed)
  • N.G. (No comment)
  • Bruce B. (It was about a dunny)
  • Bruce G. (Pass us a tinny)
  • Crazy John. (No comment)
  • Wally B. (This competition has been rigged)
  • Papa Pete. (No comment)
  • Tukka Tim. (How can I email Heather?)
Eric: Disqualified for not entering.

Lee Ann: Disqualified for not entering.

Heather: Disqualified for not entering.

Which makes me, Carslemane Foraix, the winner of the Walt Waters Awful Writing Competition 2005!!!

HOWEVER - Just to show that this whole competition was not fixed, I, Carslemane, have decided to donate my prize of an all-expenses paid piss-up in Daly Waters Hotboy! This is because he tried really hard, entering twice, and we all know that effort should be rewarded.

So Hotboy - we'll be seeing yer soon. Your flight tickets are on the way. Rick is going to lend me his camera, and I'll post some photos of you and the amber fluid in Daly Waters. When can you get here?

Everyone's mate, Carsey


Blogger robmcj said...

Call that a fair process? For a start they didn't count my vote (for myself).

Curious that the award ceremony should coincide with the World Cup Draw, which was on eurovison TV here right now. I hear that many of you Aussies are hoping for a draw against England. You do love to punch above your weight.

No hard feelings, and congratulations to the so-called winner. Good on ya.

8:32 AM  
Blogger robmcj said...

PS Carslemane, or should I say Carlesmane - mate, between you and me, you fully deserved to win - you can't even spell your own name consistently. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann said...

Wow, I feel really bad for not entering! I truly thought about it, but I just couldn't come up with anything! I am sorry I let you down.

Congratulations to the winner!!!!

Thanks guys, for all of the nice are all so sweet!

What is a dinkum? (I haven't heard that before)

8:37 AM  
Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

G'day Robbo. The TV's been crook since yesterday. There were more cardboard cutouts at the meeting than usual. Some of 'em used proxy votes, which Rick explained were legal.

Did we draw the pommies?

8:39 AM  
Blogger Carslemane Foraix said...

Dinkum means - well - dinkum! Eveyone knows what dinkum means. Its dinkum. Its good, its fair dinkum. OK - I found something here which explains it.

Robbo man - you've been on the VB, I reckon. No entry for Carlesmane in Google. Wasn't he that Swedish nutter in the middle ages, before they played footy?

9:01 AM  
Blogger hotboy said...

Carsely! I definitely won!! Why isn't my entry posted in capital letters? This would help me since I can't remember what it was! Hotboy

8:41 PM  
Blogger ticharu said...

I mis-placed one or two of them brain cells... has anyone seen them?

4:34 AM  

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